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By Aarif Qaadir
Really, who are you?
Member of Parliament. Vice President of INC. More importantly Rajeev Gandhi’s son and Indira Gandhi’s grandson ie A GANDHI! That’s you, Mr. Gandhi, no!? Unfortunately, that’s the most of you. To me, you start and end at this one thing – being a GANDHI!
To make myself clearer, let me re-phrase my thoughts – who’s Rahul? What has he done in his life? What have been his achievements? What has been his contribution to the Indian polity and society? How capable is he to lead the INC and, god forbid, the nation?
Before actually getting into the details of it, let me tell you why I am asking you all these questions. To be brutally true, for you I am nothing. I am no one. Or, I could be anyone. Well, when there are over one and a quarter billion people just like you, the truth is that you’re figuratively nobody. However, I am someone. I am a building block of this nation and that’s what my real identity is. I am an Indian and INDIA at an individual level. I guess, now you can understand the relationship I have with you. You represent me. You talk about me. You (should) care for me. You (should) work for me. You (definitely) affect me.
Come, let’s try to know you first.
How did the politician “Rahul Gandhi” come into being?
Born in the year 1970, Rahul, you completed your education by the year 1995. I tried searching a lot but I couldn’t find any details of what you did from 1995 to 2002-03. All what’s available on public domain says that your start-up“Backops Services Private Ltd.” was trying to get established.
Out of blue it was announced in March 2004 that you’d be contesting in the General Election due in May 2004. At best, it was hurried move to bring back the Grand Old Indian Party – the Indian Nationa Congress back in the limelight. It was so hurried that when the announcement was done, there was no written piece of information available about you. No CV was created. May be they didn’t get the time in the excitement of getting the torch-bearer from the holy bloodline or may be there wasn’t much to tell about. You won, of course. That too with a margin of over 100,000 votes but did it change much for the INC? No and the world knows it! And despite you being the face of the INC’s campaign for the 2007 Uttar Pradesh Assembly elections, the party managed to grab ONLY 22 seats of the 403. TWENTY TWO with a total of only 8.53% of votes. Did you know it, the scion of INC? The General Elections of 2009 were slightly better with regards to your and INC’s performance. Not only UPA came back to power but you also won the constituency of Amethi by a margin of over 350,000 votes. In 2012, your 200 rallies strong campaign helped the INC get a total of 28 out of 403 seats and charting 4th overall rank in UP. That’s like 7% of the assembly seats of UP.
I wish you were smart enough to take a clue from these elections.
How did you perform in the Lok Sabha and in your constituency?
There was an article in the Indian Express titled “In attendance, Rahul led party in Lok Sabha — from the bottom”. Do I need to say more? Can I elaborate it any further without making you clinch your fists and making your party members bless me with all sorts of cuss words? Well I don’t care. So, read on –
Oops! That’s too bad. Had I been there in your place, I would have hung my head shame. Rather, I would have dug a pit and buried myself there for a couple of years.
How can a political figure stand complete without displaying his command over words? You have moved a lot of people with your words. Some in fact even fell on their faces hearing you. Yes sir, you said a lot of things which are plain stupid and should never ever had come out of mouth of a statesman. Please find below some of the pearls of your wisdom.
“People call us an elephant.. We are not an elephant.. we are a beehive.. it’s funny but think about it. Which is more powerful? an elephant or a beehive?”
I don’t understand anything here – neither the literal meaning of it nor the metaphorical. Blame my banality or my mediocrity for it. However, I am damn sure even Gulzar, the king of out-of-the-world metaphors won’t get it either.
“If India is a computer, Congress is its default programme.”
Of course it is. It’s the malware that has infected the computer. It’s the virus that doesn’t die.
“India is going to be the 21st century’s Saudi Arabia in terms of human resources”
God save India if such a thing has to happen to her.
“Politics is everywhere.. it is in your shirt.. in your pants.. everywhere.”
Well this one’s my favourite and it’s an excellent one. The politics is indeed everywhere and the one which is there in pants is my personal favourite. I savor it, I long for it and sometimes I think my political pants make me do some amazing stuff.
“It (Congress) is a funny party. It is the largest political organization in the world but perhaps does not have a single rule or regulation. We create new rules every two minutes and then dump them. Nobody knows the rules in the party”
Well, it’s not funny, actually. However, it reflects a lot about the work culture you have in your party and it also goes to show how much you think before opening your mouth.
I am sure, a lot of people reading it (assuming a lot of people do read it) will continue to daydream about you, your capabilities and your potential.
(Please open Google, go to Image Search and then type Rahul Gandhi Funny. You’ll see to see what India thinks of you)
How did you become so powerful? Who gave you my control?
Having found all this information about you on public domains and after absorbing a lot of it, I couldn’t help myself. I have these aforementioned questions banging my head like anything. Trust me it’s 2 AM but I am too curious to ask you these questions.
What made you rise and (try to) shine even after such fiascos? I mean even after knowing how much you contributed to the party’s success in General and State Assembly Elections, how could you rise to the post of “General Secretary” of the “All India Congress Committee” and the Vice President of the party later on? How? And why? What did you contribute? What was your value addition? How were you better than, let’s say, Sachin Pilot?
So, what do I want to say?
You’re not a part of the Government of India anymore. You, your party and the UPA are not in power. Worst, your party represents only 44 of the 543 parliamentary constituencies. That’s about 8% of the total seats in the Lok Sabha. However, you and the bunch of Congress MPs have grabbed the attention of entire nation. unfortunately, there is hardly any good thing to say about it.
Do you realize that you and your party members just wasted an entire session of the parliament? Do you even know how many man-hours have you wasted? And how much did it cost us? You don’t have the slightest idea of it.
During the entire monsoon session you asked very fervently the resignation of Sushma Swaraj, Vasundhara Raje and Shivraj Singh Chouhan. What for? For the involvement of the ladies with Lalit Modi and Chouhan’s in possibly one of the biggest and recent scam – the Vyapam scam. You had this single point agenda right from Day 1 of the session and the entire session got wasted for that.
How could you let that happen? Weren’t there other alternative action plans that you could have pursued? Did you think of dragging Sushma Swaraj and Vasundhara Raje to the court? Don’t you think a PIL kinda thing would have helped you out? INC has a pool of very learned and experienced advocates like Kapil Sibal. You could have used them?
No. You didn’t. The congress didn’t think either. You all put your shallowness on display every single day of the session. Placards were displayed, Sonia Gandhi went down to the well, Youth Congress members shaved their head. What the hell was all that? Theater? Or an over-zealous move to keep the nasty dynasty working?
It was probably the worst of INC so far. But I am not surprised. In fact I believe there are much more worsts lined up as the Grand Old Party of India gears up for its extinction. I would request you to spare me the horror. Spare the one and quarter billion dreams the horror of you and your party getting callous and getting out of the context.
Last but not the least
You are the precious one for your party not for me. Not for the rest of India. You get all the news space you get because you are the Rahul Gandi and not because of your oratory skills. You don’t know what real India is, what real Indians are. What you have seen all your life are the people who suck up to you. But remember Digvijays and Sanjays don’t are not equal to India and Indians.
I know you’re trying too hard to survive. You are trying to keep the party in centre-stage. In an ideal world we should have lauded and applauded you but the reality sucks. The reality is that you suck at politics. You don’t have knowledge to be the VP of India’s oldest party. You don’t have skill to lead a nation. You don’t have sincerity to represent people. You don’t have clarity of thoughts to give proper answers in interviews. You carry cheat sheets to parliament. You copy obituaries from your phone. You’re wasting nation’s time and money. You’re wasting my time. And I won’t allow you to do it.
We don’t want your hyperactivity. We don’t want any activity from you. Please take another holiday, get to know a local girl, fall in love with her and never come back. We can manage without you. We have had a lot of good Gandhis. We definitely can manage without you.
PS: This letter is about you. I intentionally didn’t bring up the scams done in UPA 1 and 2. I didn’t write to get into mudslinging. I didn’t want to accuse anyone because what’s done is done. It’s over. I just wanted you to give a perspective of how wasteful your existence is. For me. For India!
Three dogs, a Doberman, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s office when they strike up a conversation.
The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, “So why are you here?”
“I’m a pisser,” the Boxer replies, “I piss on everything – the sofa, the cat, the kid. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
“So what is the vet going to do?” the Doberman asks.
“Lethal injection” came the sad reply from the Boxer.
The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, “Why are you here?”
“I’m a digger,” said the Labrador. “I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you?” the Doberman inquired.
“Lethal injection,” the dejected Labrador said.
The Labrador then asks the Doberman why he’s at the vet’s office..
“I’m a screwer,” the Doberman says. “I’ll screw anything. I’ll screw the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to screw- everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started screwering away.”
The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and say, “So, lethal injection for you too, huh?”
“No, no,” the Doberman says,
“She got me here to get my nails clipped.”
5 Doctors and 5 lawyers are travelling by rail from Pune to Mumbai.
They gather at Pune Railway Station.
Both groups desperately try to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE-MUMBAI): ——————————
When TC arrives, all 5 lawyers get into one toilet, so when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away.
On the return journey, they don’t get a direct train to Pune, so both group decide to take a passenger train till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a Local Train to Pune.
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI-LONAVALA): ——————————
Doctorss decided, “This time, we will prove that we are smarter”.
5 doctors buy 1 ticket, lawyers don’t buy any ticket at all ! TC arrives
All doctor IN ONE TOILET.
ALL lawyers IN THE OPPOSITE TOILET.
One Lawyer gets out and knocks the door of doctor toilet.
One doctor’s hand comes out with the tickets,
lawyer takes the ticket and enters toilet.
TC drives out all the doctor from the toilet,
And they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 (LONAVALA): ——————————
Doctors are planning their move for a last chance, They board the local train to Pune.
This time, doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
ALL doctors take 1 ticket
lawyers buy 5 tickets.
TC Comes. All lawyers show their tickets,
AND Doctors are still searching for toilet in the Local train!!!!!
Conclusion : Don’t mess with lawyers
Image Source: 1
Couldn’t resist sharing this….
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter’s Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends,
“My son is a priest. When he walks into
a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps,
“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,
“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies,
“I have a daughter,
When she walks into a room, people say,
A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl’s life, but the pit bull is killed in the process. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl” The man says: – “But I am not a New Yorker!” “Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: ‘Brave American saves life of little girl'” � the policeman answers. “But I am not an American!” � says the man. “Oh, what are you then? ” The man says: – “I am a Saudi !” The next day the newspapers says: “Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
Music is constantly innovating itself. For instance the growing craze for EDM that has fans thronging every second bar in the city playing David Guetta or Hardwell’s hits! Although whether it’s house or trance music, one can never forget their roots!Music originated with Retro and here’s your chance to take a step back in time at the rock and retro favourite pub, Road House Bluez!This Saturday, June 27th,feel the ecstasy of this night as you revel in the melodious bare bones retro music of the 80’s & 90’splayed by their very own in-house DJ, Willis along with exotic dishes and startling cocktails to binge on! You definitely don’t want to miss this one!Immerse yourself in a sea of nostalgia and go back to the glorious retro era of the 80’s and 90’s as you groove to eclectic beats like the famous Queen’s I want to break free or Boney M’s Daddy Cool, careless whisper or croon to ABBA’s greatest evergreen hits played by the bar’s co-founder and in-house DJ, Willis. Known exclusively for his retrograde beats, DJ Willis has been spinning the tunes of these popular retro artists for a long time coming.” The 80’s and 90’s was a glorious time in the history of music and being a die-hard fan of these retro beats, it’s the best time to relive the classics!”, says DJ WillisNothing can capture and communicate the true essence of music better! Go back to the glorious musical period as you experience the oomph and glamour of the retrograde era only at Road House Bluez!When: Saturday, June 21st, 2015Timings: 9:30 PM onwardsEntry: FreeWhere: Road House Bluez – Ground floor, Tokyo house, J.P road, Andheri West, near Andheri sports complex, Mumbai, Maharashtra, India 400053
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One afternoon a blonde and a brunette are sitting having lunch, chatting away about this and that.
The blonde then says, “My husband’s dandruff is so terrible! I don’t know what to do!”. “Oh, my husband had the same issue.” the brunette responded. “I gave him Head and Shoulders, and after a week, the dandruff was gone.” and they continued on with lunch.
A week later the brunette runs into her blonde friend and asks how her husband’s dandruff is coming along. The blonde responded. “Well, everything started off fine, but I couldn’t figure out how to give him shoulders!”
Rahul Gandhi was born with the Escape Velocity of Jupiter, which projected him to Earth.
The reason why ‘poverty’ couldn’t reach him here , and the reason why he is still considered “young” after 43 yrs* on Earth.
*1 Jupiter year = 11.86 Earth years.
Image Source: 1
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
George: “Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?”
“Well” said the Queen, “The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
George frowned and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are intelligent?”
The Queen: “Easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “David Cameron, would you come in here, please?”
David Cameron walked into the room and said, “Yes, ma’am?”
The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, “That would be me, ma’am.”
“Very good! Thank you, David!” said the Queen.
Then she turned to George with a smile and said “See?”
Now its George’s turn to apply the same logic…
George went back to the USA and asked Jeb.. “Jeb, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure.” said Jeb. “Let me get back to you on that one…”
Jeb went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer…
Finally, he ran into Obama and asked, “Hey, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”..
Obama answered, “That’s easy, it’s me!”
Jeb said, “Thanks!”
Then he went back to George. “I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Barack Obama.”
George slapped him. and shouted.. “No! You dumb idiot! It’s David Cameron.”
One day, a teacher assigns her kids to do some homework; ask their parents/guardians what the government is, since that’s their next lesson. Little Johnny, one of her students, goes home that night and asks his father.
“Well,” Dad says, “Think of it this way. I’m the president, Mom is the Congress, our maid is the work force, and your little brother is the rest of the citizens in the United States.”
“I don’t think I get it,” says Little Johnny, thinking about this observation.
“Why don’t you sleep on it, then?” Dad says. Little Johnny nods his little curious head, wishes Dad goodnight, and heads to bed.
Around 1:00 A.M., Little Johnny hears a lamp fall over. Unable to sleep from the frighteningly sudden noise, he goes to his little brother’s room to see what’s going on.
The small child is lying in his crib, and apparently, he knocked over a lamp, which was shattered all over the floor. “Oh dear,” says Little Johnny, when he sees that his little brother crapped his diaper. He decides to go get Dad.
Little Johnny runs to his parents’ large bedroom. He creaks open the door, and sees Mom sleeping, but no Dad! Little Johnny exits to find Dad, searching more of his large house. Eventually, he makes it to their maid’s bedroom. Looking through the keyhole, he sees Dad “doing” the maid. She seems to enjoy it.
Little Johnny jumps into the air in delight. “Now I get it,” he yells happily, “So the Congress is asleep, the President is screwing the Work Force, AND THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES ARE FULL OF SH*T!!”
Did he exit jail to see Katrina enter Ranbir’s home as a daughter-in-law?
The two-time ‘Dabang’ of Bollywood, Salam Khan probably met his worst ‘May’ in his till date existence. 22-years impending hit-and-run case, although, constantly loomed over him on and off but the calendar 2015 had its May conserved to nail down his ‘conviction’, putting him behind the bars for five-year span (though suspended for now).
Is there any ‘zandu-balm’ for emotional pain?
The adage cometh,” money can buy anything” to rescue Salman Khan from the 365*5 days cell-torment but isn’t there anything that money simply can’t afford to buy? ‘Love’, yes, ‘love’ has no ‘purchaser’. The cash of Rs.30000 could soothe the pain of 5-year torment from the bhai’s life. But, who knew that jail-release of Salman had something more awful to follow. The Lord God Almighty, author of all, had his own twist and turns furnished in the pages of Salman. The moonlight lasted 4 days to be followed by darkness. His respite from 5-years prison was all shattered with the news of ‘Ranbir-Katrina’ wedding in 2016. The news came as a cluster of knives piercing the already-scratched heart of his. Dear Salman, see if ‘zandu balm’ deals with this non-curable pain of yours.
Poor Salman, there’s no bail for Katrina from Ranbir
2010 ended love saga of Salman-Kat nonetheless had toned up Salman, by now, well-enough to witness 2016 wedding saga of his ex with Ranbir. But like they say first love, oops, second after Aishwaria, is not volatile enough to fade away from one’s memories. Seeing your girlfriend no more with you is painful, but seeing with another is more painful and the most painful pill to swallow is seeing her tie knot with that another.
‘Azab prem ki gazab kahani’ boy lastly took away the ‘Partner’ of another
After a serpentine journey with Kat, Ranbir finally decides to eat ‘shaadi ke laddu’ with Katrina. It was not a plain sail for both Ranbir and Kat to finally end up with an announcement of lifetime- stay. The movie ‘Rajneeti’ that steered the on-screen love-make to off-screen gave births to the deaths of Ranbir-Deepika and Salman-Katrina relationships. This gradually heading love story, like every relationship got interspersed with big fights which media misconstrued as ‘break-up’. The fights are part and parcel of a relationship but to choose love over fights is what that concretizes ‘saat phere’, possibly in 2016.
Here, below, is the only thing to offer all-torn-up Salman.
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